Concussion Confusion in Palermo

Manuela, who just left, is my good friend. She is a diamond in the rough. How could I have been so lucky to have encountered this gem of a woman? She is profound, kind, gentle, sensitive, dear, beautiful, loving, concerned, gracious, sincere, generous, witty, intelligent and real. Sorry to say, that many of my other friends could take a lesson in how to be a real friend by her. Shoot, I don't remember the last time someone was this genuinely sweet back home. She worked a 16 hour swing shift, took care of her dying father and tended to my sorry ass today..but that is her everyday and had to run home to eat dinner with her husband that waits to take his insulin shot til she returns home. He won't eat without her. In the States it seems that so many are so caught up in their own dramas, their own empty routines, stresses and bullshit that somehow, we forgot to be good to each other. Until we give, we have nothing and that is a fact. There is nothing satisfying in taking...unless of course you are just an asshole that lives in the shallowest of ways. Being good, giving and loving..is the only way to leave this place in peace one day. I can say that there are some Sicilian assholes as well but I have to tell you that the worst kind of asshole here equals a typical self-centered person back home..and that is sad because our country is great. Our culture sucks because it breeds such malignant narcissism. I wish we could learn from Manuela and strong secular cultures and fix what is missing in our shallow States because otherwise, we have a great country too.

Chillin' with my girlfriend & Frozen Peas

Taking some time to ice my head and chat with my good friend Manuela....get back to this in bit. Cheers!

Hit my Head Hard

Did it really take slamming my head onto tiled cement steps inside this 600 year old house to realize the extent of my suffering, obsession and crazy behavior? Almost breaking my hip, ribs, shoulder and cranium has caused me to lay my ass down, take some pain killers, ice my head, breathe deeply through the aches and take a good, long look at the mess of my life. Had I been 'jolted out of denial?'..(quote seems to fit since 'Codependent No More' is the book I happen to have chosen for the duration of that evening). Until I fall asleep in this old bed in Sicily, 7 covers, 2 dogs, cold feet, cozy, alone, in pain..I could continue to wonder..Why was I rushing so fast, so often? What was so fucking important? It's like I'm running from myself...from what? Slow down Julia, it is not worth all this trouble. I ask myself and tell myself but still it takes a perpetual accident to bring me down, to rest, to see clearly with a concussion. Ridiculous, pathetic, sad.....but true.

Julia in Sicily

Today marks the very beginning of living...truly in Italy. I spent the last two weeks getting settled, unpacking, clearing up mess back home, getting reacquainted, and resting (after that psycho move my entire life into a huge storage room). I am happy to report that it was a good decision but one that I never expected to receive such stress, grief and negative judgement from others. It was shocking really, I thought if anything I may find disbelief or some sort of support but instead it was the total opposite. Where I received support was from persons whom I never, ever expected and once again, where I sought out support, I had nothing but pain and drama. Today I start my life for me, not for anyone else and it is way over due. I hope you learn from my mistakes and make changes when they are due because life is too short to put up with bullshit, especially when you deserve better.

Now please, excuse me...it's time to walk myself up the street and indulge in a giant Sicilian saffron rice ball stuff with tomato-meat sauce and fresh peas that has been hand breaded and deep-fried to perfection!!!! I will be stuffing my face happily admiring one of Sicily's most amazing structures...La Cattedrale...the Cathedral...it is breathtaking!!! The church that both my older brothers were married in.

Arrivederci! See you later!

Gimme Some Time Please!

Ok, so I forgot to mention that I need a little time to get this off the ground but I am certain it will be, at minimum, interesting and quite possibly even funny at times because of my crazy-ass Sicilian family and all the stuff that goes along with them!  Hope you check in and read this blog occasionally, thanks for your support!!!

Hi There

Hello, I am Julia (or Giulia, not goooolia, in Italian).  I am a 35-year-old Italian-American woman with alot on her mind.  Let's jsut say that I have a bone to pick, so to speak, and writing in journals, bitching, moaning and talking to friends and family is just not cutting it any longer.  I have gone through too much and figured that maybe sharing it would help with the healing that I so want to do.  Plus...I know that there are alot of people out there that share similar experiences and maybe, just maybe, we can lend eachother a shoulder or an ear or a hand.  Life can be pretty tough sometimes and God knows I have had my fucking share of messes and fires to put out.  I am just interested in venting really.  Read if you like or comment if you need to, just remember that the words you write can hurt others, so be nice ok? K!  Cool, welcome to my blog Survival of a Tough Girl...by me...Jewels!